Flowers make me happy…

But music makes me sad!

I am surrounded by real flowers in my garden borders, bouquets in my house and artificial and silk flowers in most of my rooms!! You cant get enough! I need to share….

I do spend time taking pics and arranging and deadheading! The borders at the front of my house and hanging baskets are blooming!! Ive not managed to water the plants much myself but the boys are taking care of that! I have had beautiful friends all week bringing and sending flowers. I love them all, they brighten my day. Really there is no need but it is lovely n makes ne feel special and cared for x

I received some silk sunflowers and white roses from a charity called Ellies Friends…. look them up! Genuinely provide treats and days out for cancer patients. So my fireplace is just lush right now!!

I do wonder if I was well during lockdown. How much flowers and veg I could have actually grown!!! I would have run riot with pots and flower cuttings everywhere! Kew Gardens would be in Hillingdon!

A few folk have said I should listen to music but I do like upbeat music and bhangra tunes. Right now it all reminds me of what was….. I tend not to look back… as Ive said its not the way I am going but music keeps taking me back and reminds me of good times, concerts, birthdays, time spent with the girls, my sisters, friends, my boys. Its hard to listen to my fave tunes now …. some days I am better but some days I listen and hold back the tears, only for a second. But my life is full of great memories, of various events and concerts with my closest, brings a smile to my face!! I’m really over it now but I do have the memories! I do need to just sit tight now!!!

If I ever dance again, if I ever have the strength, you may see me on a rooftop somewhere shouting about it. I can’t see that happening very soon but I try to visualise it, better times, a healthier me with energy! For now, I’ll just keep my sofa and bed company!!!

I’ve had a week off and to be honest I’m not too impressed. I’m not much further forward. I’m not well rested, I’m not ready to go again. However, I have put on about 2 kgs which is good and I have met with friends and family so I’ve made the most of my week! I really needed that. Its been a good distraction and I have actually used my days well!

Tomorrow, I need to go to the dentist. I’m in first thing since I’m “vulnerable”! Then off for my bloods at Spire. Im confident that my bloods will be ok for treatment to go ahead because although I still feel like trash, I am not unwell or having any complications.

My life is bloody complicated but I am in a certain way “well” !!

I had accupuncture in the week and so did Gurveer. We had “back to back” appointments LOL!!! I wasnt allowed to wait in the waiting room cos the world is upside down now so I had half an hour having to sit and watch the chiropracter crack Gurv’s neck and back and him huffing and puffing and ouch ouch ouch!!! I refrained from commenting on this whole episode and just dived into candy crush on my phone till it was my turn to be a pin cushion….. was just great !!

Its going to be a week for me and I need to get to Friday as fast as possible which is when I get my 48hr chemo unplugged from my body. Im already trying to fastforward the week. Anxiety meds on hand. I can do it, I know I can, I just need to keep distracted and stop thinking too much.

Today I went to my sisters for some pampering…..I had a foot massage and a head massage, then I passed out on the sofa for a few hours.

I look much better than I feel and yes the spa was in hawaii…… we took off for the day !!

I thank the world for fantastic sisters !!