March Sun….

A cold sunday but the sun is out, I love sitting indoors on a cold day with the sun beaming over me through the window, keeping me warm. I sit and I sit, I wait for my storm to pass but this stubborn storm doesn’t seem to want to piss off just yet.

February is usually a good fun month in the Cheema household but Feb 2020… another flop. I don’t want to be a moany moan head but I am well and truly tired of being tired. Fed up of feeling frail to the max. Fed up of not having any energy to move from the safety of my home.

Im confident I will improve and things will get better but despite my efforts, it is all now moving too slowly for my liking. How much is too much?

The idea of reaching a hot sunny beach at Easter also dininishing day by day with the news of this stupid corona virus. I guess it is ok for a healthy person but for me…. is it worth taking that risk? How long is this going to go on for? Ruining my travel plans!

I need some sun, I need heat in my bones, I need a change of scenery, I need to be near the water but not frozen like a pea. When will I get my bit of sun and warmth.

I seem to have one good day followed by a terrible day and this pattern keeps on repeating. Folk advising me not too exert myself or to push myself….. make up your minds together …. then advise me ….. or just don’t offer any advice at all!

But the sun is shining, I’ll try not complain. All the flowers are peeking through! Daffs on their way out already having Jan and Feb all to themselves, tulips following close behind. This stupid wind…. I don’t even want to hear the sound anymore!

I am trying to build myself up, I am doing my best but now so hard. I wake up every morning feeling hopeful only to have my feelings quoshed in an instant.

I wonder what my poor boys think. What is going through their innocent minds? Seeing mum just passed out for half the day every day, not moving, not doing, not smiling, not playing. As much as I can we watch movies together…. its as much as I can manage.

Dear universe…… have I not had enough already? Is it not time to give me a break? When will it be time, please let me know….. so I can just breathe…..

When can I go out to play again? Oh to be gardening and planting! When can I take my bath without wanting to pass out afterwards? When can I just wander through town? When can I just walk through the park?

Come now March. I stand up once again. I am ready, let’s see what you have for me.

If you are having a bad day or week right now, just remember that you woke up. Some didn’t wake up today. That you woke up in a clean bed with a roof over your head…..some woke up with neither. I hold that thought…..and I hold on tight. Things could be worse…… I will brave the storm.