Five years ago……

Five years ago, I wrote something to express my feelings. In those days I never shared. I just wrote to release my stress. There are good days and there are bad. There are scary days and there are strong days. One day five years ago, I was consumed by my cancer and I wrote this:

Five years later, I feel tired of cancer so I wrote this:

I want to wake up without a care in the world. I don’t want the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I want to go for a brisk walk in the park. I don’t want to be scared of the cold aching my bones.

I want to have a bath with candles, bubbles and creams. I don’t to worry about what harmful chemicals might enter my body.

I want to plan my next holiday in Easter with the kids. I don’t want to worry how I will manage and if my body can cope on a flight.

I want to eat free and enjoy the food all around us. I don’t want to worry about every ingredient and if it can fuel my cancer.

I want to chat and laugh with my friends about everyday life. I don’t want every conversation to include the state of my health.

I want to smile simply like I used to smile. I don’t want a thousand other feelings running behind and through my head.

I want my phonebook to be full of friends, gardeners, decorators and the like. I don’t want it full of therapists, healers and support groups.

I want to wake up each day and breathe and feel the beauty of life. I don’t want to wake up and think how soon I can get back into bed.

I want to colour and craft because I just love creating. I don’t want to knit just to distract from anxiety.

I want to wake up tired because of a big night out. I don’t want to be knackered because of all the drugs I have to take.

I want my belly to hurt because I was laughing to hard. I don’t want a stomach ache from my cancer and the medications.

I want to run around and play badminton with my kids. I don’t want to miss out on precious time as I am scared of doing too much.

I want back ache because I planted all my spring bulbs in the garden. I don’t want my back to ache from a ten minute indoor walk.

I wan’t to just read for the sake of just reading. I don’t want everything I read to be about medical research and cancer.

I want to help others as it gives me pleasure and contentment. I don’t want to feel like we are all hanging on for dear life.

I don’t actually want that much from life. I just don’t want cancer.

10 thoughts on “Five years ago……

    1. Thank you hunny. I did get a brief break in between….. received the hugs. Thank you for reaching out and reading my rambles ….. πŸ’—πŸ’— to you and Adam xxx

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  1. Sunshine today! Good morning hun… things will take a turn surely!
    So have faith and will pray all is well soon and meanwhile get planning the Easter holiday with your gorgeous family x

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    1. Hey Komal, things will turn definately. I am making slow progress but it is progress!!! Sunshine is helping today, I will try and get out today! Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and message me to let me know you are there πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—

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  2. Hi Sal
    Sending you love.
    Hopefully it won’t be long until Spring is here and shining giving some healing powers.
    Lots of hugs
    Foxy xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Sal, draw strength from all around you, family, friends, nature, and all things that are positive. A lesson for us all is to be the best we can be every minute because tomorrow is not promised to anyone.
    Love T

    Liked by 1 person

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