Probably the reason I am not feeling very dandy for any of this festive season is because it is always a time of reflection, a time to look back over the year you just had. Anyone facing a challenge, grieving, working through or recovering from illness…. Christmas is just that time that heightens all emotions. You miss people who are no longer here and grieve a life you once had but may never have again. I really do not need to look back very closely but just keep sprinting forward!

Well for me, I look back and another pretty dire one I’d say! Barely a week without an appointment or treatment. Barely a couple of continuous weeks of feeling well. Nothing to get excited about, no future plans to look forward to. Still waiting …… waiting for my next scan, my next treatment…. nothing new here!!

However, with all that said, I end the year feeling better than I have felt all year! I am 70% back to my normal self now and working hard on the rest. I forced several holidays and weekend trips to disrupt the routine chaos facing us each week which we have thoroughly enjoyed, Maldives being the absolute icing on the cake! We have had enough good times to balance out the bad. We achieved and made some beautiful memories.

Our breaks came frequently for 2 reasons. A vital distraction for me to just cope through and to always have something to look forward to but another more important reason that I have had to face and take care of right now. A thought that worries me a lot…..

One day my kids will grow up and look back on these years. They will remember how sick mum was, how I just slept and slept, how dad had to do everything. How friends came by to feed us and how family took the kids all weekend so we could rest.

Well now, each of those memories will be interrupted with a precious holiday or break! The kids will never look back and remember it as the hard time we had. I’ve made damn sure of that!! I have all the photos and videos as reminders!

I am trying my best to smile through the next few weeks till we get to the other side. Its not easy for a lot of people but a good time to kick back, meet friends and have some quality family time! So far I have managed a trip to the movies with the kids, a girly sleepover with my bessies, a shopping and lunch day with another bessie and a reunion with my Breast Cancer Famalam! It’s the simple things in life that give you the most pleasure!

Kids break up this week and then we can relax. The hospital is closed for a week also so I get a well deserved break from my weekly visits !!

I do wonder what New Year will bring! It just has to be better than the last two that I’ve had! I am hopeful. I feel well and I will do everything in my power for it to stay that way.

Anyway, today was my last yoga session of the decade and we have a little tradition going!

Why do we save our sparkly lights for just that one class? Why don’t we pull out the lights more often?

Be kind to everyone you see this Christmas. Everyone is going through something….. random acts of kindness over these stressful days will go a really long way and may help someone a lot more than you think x

3 thoughts on “Reflection…

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