Perspective……

Every few days, someone reminds me how ‘strong’ I am, or how I am coping well. I am coping, some days better than others. This is my situation.

Everyone has challenges in their lives and they will message and tell me that they are struggling or feeling down or angry with whatever is going on in their lives…… I am happy to listen but do often add, just think of me and it will take the edge of your situation!!

Like, a chest infection, a broken leg, loosing a job, a scratch on the new car!! Yep, all these things matter, I am not saying they don’t and I am willing and do still listen to friends telling me about their crap as it distracts me for a bit from mine !!

I can’t deal with moany moanheads though and negative people unless there is solid reason! I don’t judge as everyone faces something in life but I will offer an opinion if I think it might help!! You have to look at the bigger picture.

Thankfully, I don’t think I have anyone close to me that moans over trivial stuff. Out of all my friends, I think we are all on this journey together and it has made a lot of folk stop and think. Everyone appreciates that little bit more, tolerates a bit extra, endures more without stopping to moan!

I was so balanced and calm after my lovely weekend! I was strong and happy. That lasted until Thursday when I was back to my ‘routine’

I am still struggling to take my pills. It does make me feel sick and feel a bit down down and stressed out. I am on cycle 4 now, my herceptin infusion is ok but these chemo tabs are truly doing my head in.

I did week two on Thursday last week…. this is my sarky face….

I was a bit tired….. herceptin threw me over the edge and ended up coming straight home, sleeping for 2 hrs and not moving for the rest of the night!

I struggled to sleep at night, had to double my dose of sleep meds…. but they are the size of half a swizzle so go down easily.

I mean, I need to have a serious word with the drug companies….they really need to consider the actual physical taking of these tablets on a daily basis……for patients. Sometimes very sick patients. I can’t do it for much longer and I have now had a word with my team. I need an alternative. I feel like a fussy cow now moaning about taking the drugs but its impossible and long term….. it ain’t happening. I have really tried but it has all but reduced me to tears.

I am stuggling with a bit of tiredness but the weather could be having an effect too! We have had 4 days of blue skies and I have managed to get out and about and move my limbs a bit! It makes a massive difference to my day, I need blue skies everyday, I don’t do well under grey.

Anyway, hundreds of thoughts pass through my mind on daily basis. Not so much why. I am ok with the why do things happen, why me etc…

It is more, how long is this going to last? I am growing weary of it all. It is bloody hard work but I’m getting through it bit by bit, week by week.

On Saturday, we were priviledged enough to attend the Precious Moments concert in Middlesex University. It is a yearly concert hosted by and raising funds for Noah’s Ark Childrens Hospice.

We have been working with the hospice for exactly a year when the build of the Ark was just beginning. Now the ark is finished and will soon be taking in its first group of children.

https://mybeautifullife.org/2018/11/26/my-life-is-not-a-cancer-story/

We were due to visit the Ark and see the progress but we were in Maldives so will schedule a visit soon. It looks like a beautiful, calm and peaceful sanctuary for these families.

Suraj was singing in his acapella group, The B Minors, I know I am biased but they are a truly amazing and talented act! I just love going to all the concerts!

We were given an update and shown videos on some of the families that need and get help from Noah’s Ark.

https://www.noahsarkhospice.org.uk/noahs-ark-stories/freya/

I was so caught up in emotions of the whole evening. Sometimes it is like I am watching life through my own glass window. I dont have the feelings I used to, my mind is always holding deeper thoughts. Racing all over the place, not easily quietened.

It was a lovely evening, listening to all the choirs singing. We listened to the stories from parents who have children with life limiting illnesses.

I am in a really tricky life situation. I know that, then I look at these children…. I can’t even begin to put it into words really.

It does really put everything in perspective. There is barely and perspective in the first place for me if you really think about it…. but these young children and their families and their siblings…… how long for them, does this go on for?

I don’t think I am in a better or worse situation, it just grounds me even more. I am not alone in being in a challenging life situation, there are so many others dealing with some pretty heavy stuff on a daily basis. You cope….. because you just have to!