I have had my break! It was amazing, I am not complaining at all! I am so lucky……….. however, sometimes, I just want to lie on the floor and have a big tantrum!
I really wanted to forget completely while we were on holiday and just totally break off but these lapatanib tabs are really doing my head in! For a start they are just too big. They ruin my appetite, make me zonk out and just feel sick! I managed on holiday by switching from taking them in the morning to taking them in the evening so that I’d sleep better and sleep through most of the side effects. Also not taking them on an empty stomach has helped a lot. Tablet time is the worst part of my day and I dread it daily! There is no getting away from it yet though.
Apart from that, someone quite close to me, recently diagnosed, started chemo while I was away. I wanted to support so I was just on the other end of my phone. I didn’t mind this at all, I felt like I was helping and supporting as best as I could. However it pained me, I hate seeing anyone go through chemo, feeling unwell, the mental stress, waiting for side effects to kick in…. hate every second of it.
Half way through the week, I received the news that a lady from my cholangio group who I’d met in May at the AMMF conference had passed. These things are hard to deal with, these people are my support group. We are the crutches for each other and cheer each other on through the hard times, we are like a family and you can literally say anything to each other. It is hard for everyone in the group to hear when we lose someone and just throws us all.
Then of course, my short video clip was going out on Channel 4 which most of you may have seen already. Just dealing with all the emotions of that……..it is all there, black and white, how it has hit my family. I am so proud of my boys but at the same just want to wrap them up and take this nightmare away from them.
Suraj and Amar had the most epic trip ever! It made up for a lot of rubbish that they have had to endure this year so for that I was pleased. I so wanted to bring them to the Indian Ocean and have them swim in the crystal waters. We took a turtle cruise out into choppy waters and I was soooooooooo proud when Amar jumped in and swan around like a little fish! We were worried that he may not get in or last very long but he loved every second of it and the delight in both if their faces seeing the sea turtles and variety of fish was just priceless. It just made the trip for me!
So back here, bloods done today. Eagerly awaiting those results which I will get by tomorrow. Herceptin on Thursday……….. what joy! I feel a bit swamped right now and this is after a holiday!!!
I had a call from the hospital today and my next CT scan is booked for 4th November. This will determine the next steps. This has to be good news. This cannot be it, just going from one appointment to the next, week after week……… I need everyone to start praying for me. I believe and need everyone to believe in the power of prayer.
I need…. we all need a break from this now. Something needs to give. I feel well, I am doing lots with a lot of resting in between. I have done my time, surely I can get a break now.
I have had a lovely evening with a bit of cooking with Suraj. Was a quick and easy homemade pizza tonight! I almost ate my half but a bit defeated. I am trying to eat where I can. Food not being my friend right now. I so didn’t get my monies worth in the all inclusive Maldives resort!!! Tried my best to put on a few lbs but wasn’t too successful. Majority of folk desperately trying to lose weight and me trying to pile it on!!!!
Here is my pizza!
Nom nom!! Aren’t you glad its pizza and not pictures of the beach !!!!!