Drugs, drugs, drugs……

Actually high on drugs!!!

Lately, I have been struggling. My sleeping was getting crazy, I have been unable to eat and started to loose weight. I don’t want to loose any weight so after dropping my first lb, I started to try and force down juices and nuts when I couldn’t eat meals. I know, I was heading for a bit of a downward spiral and felt like I was about to start having anxiety and panic attacks. I’ve had very little energy and a foggy brain so just wasn’t functioning very well.

I was called in to see my oncologist this week also, I will bring those updates in my next blog! It is all too much right now. At the end of a heavy appointment, I told my oncologist how I was feeling. I told him that I was ok….. cos I always start with I am ok but….. My oncologist recognised that I maybe wasn’t managing and that this cancer is a lot bigger than anyone can just comprehend and deal with. He summed it up quite neatly and then gave me some stronger sleeping tablets/antidepressants/pain relief to relax me at night, lift me up a bit and give me some energy to deal with the next day!!

I have also started to take some short term steroids so I can function for the kids hols at least and just snap myself out of this fatigue cycle!

I was taking my new meds for just a day and my mood lifted!! I had some energy. We had a family wedding! You all know how Indian weddings last for 2 weeks!! Well I had missed most of it because of my neck procedure and general unableness to function.

I started on this new med regime and hey presto….by the skin of my teeth, I made it to the reception of the year and was truly very proud of myself!! I think I did need the extra help, I needed a boost, I don’t like taking meds and tabs but I know when I need to admit it and get them down me.

I felt quite emotional just being there. After a rough few weeks I had managed to pull it all together and enjoy the evening! We had a blast, took a ton of pictures and created special memories!

Even up until the morning of the reception, I didn’t think I would manage the whole getting ready and doing the whole evening thing! Knocked out on the sofa for 2 hours which meant I sacrificed washing “my hair” !!! But I was rested!

Gurv and my sister in law managed everything around me, including picking up an outfit from my friend that morning to hide the gash on my neck, rummaging around to find my shoes, getting the kids ready and making lunch!! I felt loved and cared for!!

The Belle went to the ball and had a blast !! I am sharing pictures and make no apologies!! Posing and proud! I have said it before and will say it again…. I am living with cancer, cancer is not living with me!

I have not moved from my sofa today and my eyes are all pickled but yesterday we smashed it!!! I still havent washed my hair !!!

Tomorrow, I return to the hospital for more blood tests. Haven’t been slashed or pricked for a few days…… can’t be getting spoilt now can I!!!

I stand tall only because of those that are standing with me x