I did pretty well at keeping myself busy all week whilst waiting for my CT scan results.
Busy included, an appointment to see a herbalist in big london, an oil party…. you know like a tupperware party at home but this was with essential oils…. and a fair bit of sleeping!!
I’m in quite a bit of pain from my last chemo session. I will try to describe it here in detail as I will soon forget and someone will ask me and I will be like, it is ok…. you get through it.
It started to hit on thursday evening. All I can describe it as is a nerve pain starting at my jaw and continuing all the way down my back and front. My skin is sore to touch.
My shoulder has gone into ‘lock’ and is causing a lot of pain on movement. I need to move very slowly or not at all for the next few days just to ride it out. I am using a cbd high strength balm for my nerve pain and sleeping tabs to get me through the night. This is where previously, I’d refer to it as just existing to get to the next day. My insides feel hollow from my neck but feel like they are burning too.
I have a bit of pins and needles in my legs and arms. If I move fast or try to sit on the sofa, it is like I have been winded but the pain is excruciating and makes me wince for about a minute until my bones settle into a new position. My neck and back does this pulsating shock movement until it settles.
I don’t feel like eating or drinking but I do and keep sipping on water as much as I can. Even when I eat, I feel empty inside. I actually just want to eat anything to go through the motions of saying yep, I had lunch!
I sent my 3 soldiers off to the movies today. I couldn’t join them, I’m not leaving the house today. My legs are so heavy, I wouldn’t manage a short walk. I did manage a shower though!!
Oh the coach came back on time on Friday and I was there to collect my little Amar on his return after 6 days.
Both my boys have a bad cough and Suraj a viral infection. Suraj is wearimg a facemask and both keeping distance from me for next few days.
So home alone, I watched Wine Country on netflix in my room. A film about a group of friends taking a weekend out to celebrate a 50th birthday!! I enjoyed it, but too many voices in my head kept shouting messages at me! I had to pause the film twice to have a nap!
Think that is mostly it! Oh and I am getting quite hot especially at night. I am just numb of any emotion and just actually enjoying sitting in my room with the windows open, listening to the birds!
I want to forget about how vile you feel on chemo but keep a record of the ‘symptoms’ you can’t control with medication. Forget control, you can’t even describe them to a doctor!! I have tried in the past….. my skin hurts …. there is no remedy for this!
All that said, in a few days, I will be feeling better and I will start to rebuild my strength. I requested that I omit my last chemo and my oncologist agreed that this was ok. Frankly, I don’t think my body can take any more. So for now and hopefully forever, I am done with chemo. I’ve done it twice, I don’t think I could ever do it again.
So, my results…. my CT scan showed no changes since my last scan. So no disease progression. Yayy but excuse me if I don’t jump for joy! This is all good and I had expected just this but you can never be sure. The reason mainly is because, I have my faith and this coupled with the fact that I never experienced any symptoms for this cancer. I did have some pain at one point which scared the crap out of me for a few days but then this disappeared. I have been hitting it hard with the chemo and my alternative treatments, the worst outcome would have been if I had endured all that for nothing.
So now, I will wait until all the chemo takes full effect and is out of my system and then we do a PET scan….. you know the one that uses a glucose radioactive tracer to highlight the cancer in your body.
I am seeing everything in timelines now. I have 6 weeks now to feel better. I will shake this off pretty quick and then we scan again. This will determine the next steps of how we proceed.
I will deal with that when we get there. For now, I just want a bit of my life back. I am currently just focussing on feeling better and thats it for now really!
At some point, I need to tidy my wardrobe as I haven’t really paid any attention to it for a while!! My big agenda !!!
I got some lovely flowers from my boys for getting to this point.
“Congratulations for finishing chemo and being brave. You are the bravest person ever” Amar
“Well done for powering through and just riding the wave. You are doing a great job at being the best mum even with your treatment” Suraj
Yesterday someone asked me if I voted. Before I decided how to most effectively answer the question, Suraj piped up with, “I did an assembly on Brexit in year 6” !!! Suraj has now moved to secondary school and just chosen his GCSE options and soon to be in year 10!! We all fell about laughing!!
I will leave you with an inside joke…. and hope that a few of you may be able to ‘like’ my post about reaching this milestone instead of just flying past it!!