Being a cancer mum

This stupid cancer is taking a lot of precious time from me spending time with my little piddles!! They handle it well and just accept everything, they also have no choice. This is the one thing that is peeing me off quite a bit but I have to listen to my body.

I do try to take special time out when I can and spend quality time as a family together. It is important that the kids see happy active mum as well as sleepy mum.

They know when mum needs to rest or when they need to help with putting a machine on or empty the dishwasher, put the bins out…. I’m teaching them a task a week! Life skills!!!

I need to rest, I need to heal… I can’t push this one any further. So, every so often, Gurveer leaves me the big task of getting the kids to school when he needs to get too work really early. We are both trying to hold down our jobs in the process since we haven’t won the lottery yet.

This does not happen very often but just now and again! He used to keep ringing me to see if we were awake and I’d get irritated and say, “I’m not going to not send the kids to school just cos you are not here. One day last week, I slept through 2 alarms and woke Amar up at 7.55am. He needs to be at school by 8.25am. Luckily, we live within a few yards of the school and I have told the kids that if I say “Get up like a whizz kid”, there is basically no time for flapping and they need to move at the speed of light. Once I have a ‘thing’ in place the kids are pretty good at sticking with it!

I had chemo on Tuesday. I usually take sleeping tabs on the night at least as it is a lot to cope with. Last night I couldn’t as Gurv had work so it was my responsibility to get Suraj to the bus stop on time. Melatonin did nothing for me so was all a bit of a disaster.

I made Gurv make sure I was standing up before he left….alarm shalarm wasn’t gonna do anything for me!!!Lack of sleep meant an impromptu day off work to catch up, means don’t get paid…. not beating myself up over it. Health comes first.

Between me and Suraj, we were going to do this! Suraj is very responsible but the poor fella has a bad throat this week. Another thing, from time to time, my kids have been unwell and I have had to send them in to school. Suraj was desperately trying to rest at home for a day but I can’t leave him at home alone for that long and I have appointments every day this week here or there. Today, dragged myself into London for some more alternate treatment advice. All this is coming at some heavy prices so gotta keep working!

London in the summer though!! A beautiful place!!! Devonshire place to be exact…… very colourful, just how I like it. I have completed the first part of the protocol. 8 cycles chemo done. Takes the average person 6 months, I stretched it to 8 months. That is 16 days of chemo. That is 112 hrs on that blasted drip and numerous down days after. A break now while we scan and assess the situation.

If anyone feels the need to ask me now if I’m done, please just refrain, cos you might feel my answer rather than hear it!! Don’t mean to be angry about it but you are either reading my blog or not! If you are then you know…. if you are not then that is fine but don’t then ask all the questions …. well if you are not then you won’t know… the end!!

I didn’t feel much emotion considering I reached this milestone. Just numb and void as I’ve said previously. It has taken so much out of me. It was only half way through the morning and this was all not planned, I made Gurveer google the nearest party shop, go to the nearest party shop, pick up some items, then not being fully satisfied, asked him kindly to go back home n fetch monkey!!! Bless all the grey hair I have given him but we then marked the day !! I made all the staff chuckle, brought my smile out for the day and passed the hours well!! I don’t know if they are the best nurses I have ever had or I am the best patient they have ever had!! We all really bounce off each other and it drives us all to beat this beast off together. It was such a scream in the end!!! They are truly the dream team x

I got out as soon as possible, went straight to black park around the corner to stretch my legs and detox my brain. Was such a lovely day. Nature healing!

I wasn’t ready to just go home so headed straight to my dear friend, Manu’s after a simple text…. I’m coming to yours!!! My dear friend Manu knew I hadn’t eaten well all day or drank much so asked me for tea. I was like no I can’t do tea. After 3 times asking and me refusing, Manu said, Im making indian tea for you, if you dont want, just leave it! The tea went down well. Followed by …. chips and gravy!!!!

We just sat, chatted, laughed, cursed, then Manu needed wine after listening to my babbling!!! I’m sure I’ve given her a few grey hairs too!!! But thats what friends are for right??? Our two little piddles are away in France for 6 days. Such a long trip and both of our houses are very quiet without them so we joined forces!!!

I have another appointment on Friday evening so likely neither of us will be there to receive poor Amar off the coach if it is late. Teachers are aware and my sis is on standby. Another thing cancer snatches from me…. precious moments, beaming smiles, massive hugs. My kids are used to the routine or lack of it so hopefully big brother Suraj will get back in time to give little brother Amar a big hug.

I keep them as close to each other as possible so they can entertain and look after each other when I am knock out!!! The benefits of having 2 kids!!! I have taught them this from a very young age and now reaping the benefits of it. They do really look after each other.

Anyway…. enough babbling for now. Its injection time!! The gift that keeps on giving!!! Bring on the bone pain !!!!!