CT or not CT….That is the Question!!

Monday was scan day again. Currently I have scans every 3 months. I fast for 4 hours then fill up with water fill in some forms answer loads of questions, put on my beautiful gown and I am up on the scanning table.

Along comes the nurse, she is a lovely nurse and ever so nice and starts by telling me that the only nurse who is Port trained is away until next week BUT she says, we will use your veins today!!!

In my head I’m like WHAT???? but then I politely tell her that my veins have hardened and don’t work. She should know this as we had the whole drama last time and I was stabbed 4 times in both arms before we went in via the port. The senior radiographer arrives and tells me who he is and says he will try. Well it doesn’t really matter if you are the senior radiographer or the King of Mombasa, my veins still don’t work no amount of digging will magically make them work and wiggling around in them with a needle just hurts.

Anyway after one attempt and surprise surprise no access, I got up and said sorry, we are done here and I’ll come back another day! They were very apologetic but really it was a total waste of everyone’s time I can see how this happened but the port trained nurse should have looked in the diary before taking her week off to see which patients may need to move their appointments. If that was my job and I was the only port trained nurse and I was taking a week off……..

Hey ho, I had a little extra time so I popped into the shops and ended up buying this amazing indoor planter!! I just can’t wait to plant it up!!! I just really think I deserve a treat each time I have an appointment, I think it is just a distraction!!! It is getting quite expensive and next week….. gosh!!!

My scan has now been scheduled for next Monday which is fine but the multi disciplinary team (MDT) meeting is on Tuesday so my results need to be sent to the hospital immediately with no hiccups so that my results can be discussed in time for my consultant appointment on Friday!! Im very relaxed this week. I have told my nurse team and left it with them so that they can chase and ensure results are where they should be in time !!!

The week delay also means I have less time to agonise and wait for my results. I feel a little less stressed about it than I did the first time around but I haven’t had the scan yet!!!

I have been on this harsh chemo regime for 7 months now. I have one cycle to go which is 2 chemo days. There is a build up and the cumulative effect really takes its toll on the body. After my last round, and my staying in bed for 4 days, I spoke to my medical team. We decided that I could do half of the last cycle. So I do day 1 and omit day 8. I think doing both would really throw me over the edge again and there is only so much one small person can take!!!

So next week looks like this:

Monday morning – bloods and pre chemo assessment

Monday afternoon – CT scan

Tuesday all day – Chemo

Wed – another break the bank with a sledge hammer appointment in London

Friday – Consultant appointment for results and next steps

I told you… its going to be an expensive week!!

A bit full on but hoping and praying all is going to plan and stupid cells have buggered off! I am quite calm and feeling cautiously positive about the next steps. I have given it my all…. something needs to give.

Hopefully a break for me so I can get some of my life back in order. I have had some extra energy this week which has been great so have done a teeny bit of tidying up at home and have done a small daily walk. However, I have ended up going to bed with chronic back pain for the last 3 days! Instead of taking painkillers, I’ve popped the sleeping tabs….. just kill 2 birds with one stine!!! I sleep artificially well and my back does correct itself overnight. My muscles are weak…. if I do get a break from treatment, I will be working on getting my strength back for a start.

Today I just sat in the sun for breakfast, for lunch and after school!!! Such a lovely day…. Managed to get all my nutrients in today!!

I have spoken to a fair few people this week. A few folk have reached out and needed a bit of support. I was able to and happy to help where I could. Friends have really been there for me and this week, I have given a bit back.

This week is all about self care, staying positive and gratitude. You need a bloody strong mind to get through some of the more challenging weeks. It is extremely important to just step back when you can and just be. Live in the moment, enjoy the day in front of you. Deal with tomorrow….. tomorrow!

That needs to go in a quote doesn’t it….. but I’m too tired and my back hurts….. gnite x