A Big Wobble !!

Sorry….. for worrying everyone with my last blog! We have received a lot of lovely messages from all you considerate people…. just Thank you for caring!! All is well and calm in the life of Sal! It’s just me….. bringing you the full picture….keepin it real!!!

If you have been following my blogs properly !!! Yes so if you have been following my blogs you may be able to see a bit of a recurring theme!! Every “so often”, I seem to have a big, massive wobbly!!!

I have dates, reminders, indicators and I’m not shy to even admit it because it is a real massive big ball ache in my life and probably every other woman’s life and just causes me major problems….. what is it?

I am waiting for a doctor or practitioner to find me and pick this up and just help this unfortunate situation that bashes me over the head, causes irrational thoughts, destroys my life for 5 days and then leaves me calm but quite a bit dishevelled afterwards…….no I still can’t date it out, no I still can’t control it and no I still can’t rationalise anything in my brain when my hormones take over !!!

I don’t do the whole women empowerment….. women rule the world blah blah. There are men and there are women, we can’t exist without each other…. there arent a dozen categories!!!! Know what I mean! HOWEVER……….as women, we do have to go through a lot of crap on an ongoing basis….I am not opening up a debate on it…. WE JUST DO!!

Some women turn into crazy monsters, some emotional wrecks, I think I have done both over my time but now, I just hide under the covers…. literally!! It is what it is….

Again, apologies for causing anyone any worry! Sometimes all you need is to bash it out with someone who understands or a mate with a good pair of ears!! My dear friend Zoe, after reading my blog dropped me a text…. “I’m coming over in the morning for breakfast”!

We met, we ate we chatted, we ironed it all out and now I’m like a fluttering fairy princess all calm and rational and less hormonal now!! I am so grateful for the support I receive. It may be just a text to you but it means a bit more than that to me. Thank you Zoe for lifting me off the floor and placing me back on my chair !!!

I know I am not the only one who suffers with this…. its bad enough as it is, throw chemo into it n all and it is just a disaster. People don’t like to talk about it or admit the issue but well there you go !

Then because I felt so bashed around, I thought I deserved a treat!!

I don’t usually wear animal print….. but I don’t usually do a lot of things that are currently going on in my life right now so there you go !!

So now that the drama is all out of the way, its time to get on with my week. I will be attending a conference for the next few days.

I have said previously …. there is just one, only one charity in the whole of the UK, that deals with my cancer. Their annual conference is spread across 3 days and is open to oncologists, nurses, patients and carers. Since I have been in clinical research myself for over 20 years, I have attended many medical conferences in a few different countries!

One of my proudest moments was about 15 odd years ago when I presented for a clinical trial to 200 doctors in Thailand! I travelled business class and stayed in a five star hotel! My parents travelled with me at the same time for their own holiday so I had the opportunity to really explain part of my job to them and they were able to understand some of it!! My dear dad especially was soooooo proud of me and told allllllll his friends about his amazing daughter…. or rather his version of what he thought I had said and what he had understood!! One of his friends even called me up a few weeks later and when I picked up the phone said, “Can I speak to Dr Sal”!! Cue …. smack hand on head!!!

It’s a thing….. unless you work in the research field, noone really knows what we do in our line of work and how it fits in with the clinical trial process. It is not easy to explain and is ever changing. Even the other departments within the same company don’t understand what we do!!!!! Living the Dream folks….. Living the Dream!!!

So anyway, I digress….. what I actually feel is that it is really weird to be attending one of these things as a patient. It is a first for me….. I will be the one asking questions and taking notes. What can I reference it to??? Its like being in the middle of the roulette table instead of standing around the outside….. or is it like being the red bottomed monkey sitting on top of the car instead of marvelling out from the passengers seat!! Yeah I know… none of them make sense do they!!

Moving on……my next blog will bring you further insights and knowledge about bile duct cancer. I am hoping to learn lots and am sure that this conference will open up some more leads for me. I have already connected online with a few other warriors from my group so cannot wait to meet them in person. I think it will be very valuable and quite emotional but we will learn sooooo much from each others experiences.

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Ciao for now x