137 days…….

Chemo started on 26th Nov 2018. Its been 137 days!

It has been one hell of a ride. Up, down, up, down, down, down……down, up…..non stop, a rollercoaster of emotions! Each day a different one, I have physically and mentally dragged myself through the pool of black tar that stupid cancer brings. Every single day, only I know how I’ve managed through it!

Mostly good and cheering myself on, on the outside, mostly exhausted and broken on the inside. Even until earlier this week, I tried to be the big I AM and attempted to watch 2 movies with the kids, Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Captain Underpants!!!! I failed miserably and fell asleep through both of them !!!!

Each and every day is imprinted on my mind. Why? Well because I may be on this chemo for a while. I don’t know yet how long or what next steps will be but if it is working then I guess I stay on it…… so I need to figure out for myself if I can do it and there has been a very thin line……..

Within the first hour of waking up every day for the last 137 days, I have pretty much known how my day is going to go. Sometimes, I wake up and realise that today is not my day and I just count the hours until I can go to bed again and try again tomorrow!! If I’m honest this has been the majority of the last few months…. not all but a huge chunk of it! For various reasons, this last week has been quite taxing too…… on my already frazzled brain!!

So yesterday, 137 days later!!! In terms of strength and energy…… I think it has been my BEST DAY !!! I knew this as soon as I woke up and started to walk around!!! I almost whispered it to myself!!! I felt my eyes rolling around in disbelief….. thinking ooohhhh this is new!!!

I have been quite frustrated with my lack of energy and my weak muscles and have just been waiting for a small break to just strengthen my body! It wasn’t going to strengthen itself!

So last week Sunday 9.30am, I was in my big oxygen tank in London while most of you were probably having a good old boring lie in!!!

Since Monday, I have been marching around the park every day pushing myself that little but harder and then hey presto, yesterday, BEST DAY SO FAR!!!!

Up since 6am! Probably done about an hour of walking and guess what…… I didn’t pass out anywhere!!! I managed a whole day, no naps!!! Yayy go me….. I felt like a big adult all day !!

With all this excitement, I stayed awake until midnight to get the maximum hours out of my best day, because I felt like me after a long time!!!

I have another good week ahead without chemo, a precious 10 days now before I go in for my next chemo spa!!! I can’t even bad mouth it as chemo is the thing that is keeping me alive right now! As harsh as it is, it has a job to do!

So thats me 137 days later !!! Feeling like a big human being! Today pretty much the same…. I picked up the hoover today for the first time since Nov!!!!! Yep…. the house has been cleaning itself!!!!

So all in all a good week!! Im back in the oxygen tank tomorrow morning for breakfast and I expect I’ll be climbing Mount Everest by next week!!

I’VE GOT THIS !!!!

This week I have achieved!! I’ve had Amars room decorated after a long time thinking about it as just couldn’t manage the clean up operation or go buy and choose colours. This was all too much on the brain !!

So here it is!! Taaaa daaaaa!!!! A very happy boy I have now!!!!