At 8pm the night before my birthday, I managed to get an appointment in Windsor to see my oncologist!! BINGO!!!
I couldn’t have waited any longer for these results and really didn’t want to either. Didn’t want this hanging over my head on my birthday so was quite lucky to get an appointment. Had a really busy day at work and a very late meeting which was all great to keep me distracted all day!
I was feeling positive all week about these results, mainly because I still don’t have any symptoms specifically for this cancer. Only side effects of chemo but you never know…. you are scared to feel anything or think about the outcome so keeping extremely busy is the best way to get through the “waiting for results” days. They are probably the worst days in all of this.
I was prepared to go straight in and just go….. right just give it to me straight up before we discuss anything else! Didn’t have too long to wait before I was called in. I was pacing the area and huffing and puffing by this time but was ok…. noone else was around. Dr W asked first how I was and how chemo was going so we got into full discussion before getting the scan results!!!!
The results are good! I don’t really know how to put it and a bit lost for words about it all. I’ve been flung about so much in the last few years so don’t really feel too much and a bit numb and emotionally drained so I guess its this :
- It is the best possible outcome
- I am happy with the result
- Chemo is working
- Oncologist is happy
With everything that is and has gone on:
- I’m not jumping for joy
- A bit scared to be happy
- Cautiously positive
- Numb of emotion
I’m not all clear. We are half way through the chemo plan. So another 4 cycles to go at this point. Due to all the side effects, I will now have chemo for 2 weeks and then take a 2 week break so I can recover and basically have a life!!
We discussed my chronic back pain, which had kept me bed bound for days each cycle and had me completely scared that the cancer had reached my bones. Turns out that it is a side effect of my immune boost injection Neulasta! Well I never knew that!! It was cyclic with my chemos but when you are in the thick of it, there is not much room for rational thinking! There is an alternative ….. and I didn’t even let poor Dr W finish his sentence after I heard the words daily injections…… I was like NO NO definately not !! I may change my mind very quickly!
What would you choose? Chronic dehabilitating back pain or daily injections? Not quite the dilemma of do you want sugar in your tea? Or which shoes shall I wear with this dress !!
So all in all a really good appointment. I was quite numb and void so didn’t manage to get my oncologist to do a bhangra boomerang with me or even a yayyyy picture but I will soon!!!
For good behaviour, I get another week off so starting on the 26th now for cycle no 5. Means I get to do half term with my kiddos instead of palming them off to my sisters!!! With 2 weeks off inbetween, I can plan my days off knowing I should be well enough to manage.
I had a brilliant birthday!! I had energy! I didn’t have pain and I had a scone!!! Its my birthday thing!! Spent a bit at the garden center and if I have strength to put a few plants in the garden over the next week I will be the happiest Sal around !!
Blessed to have real friends who understand and who I can really talk to. I know its not an easy task listening to some of this stuff, I’ve been told that but I’m good on the outside as I have a few close pickles who are carrying my burden with me. Thank you for everyone who has been praying for me, God is listening to us x
Some of you have seen this but basically this is how I feel !! Every week is a milestone, every month is a bonus, every year is champion x