As many of you have realised from my last few blogs, this Cheema has been in a bit of a dark place for about a month. Anyone who truly knows me, knows this is not like me. I am a pretty strong lass and I can take a lot of this crap. I’ve had to be. Now even this chemo regimen, these meds have started battering me inside my brain, started eating away at the few rational brain cells I have left and knocked me sideways.
Since beginning of Feb, I have been doing a special healing prayer every morning and will continue as long as I can. It is not easy to concentrate but has helped me get though these last few weeks.
On Friday, we had family visiting the Golden Temple in India where we gave a donation and asked for a special prayer to be said for us.
On saturday morning around 6am, I saw the light. I actually saw a bright white light flash infront of my eyes. This light has a big significance and meaning but I can’t explain it all in here. I have heard and seen stories of this online, a close uncle from US told me recently when he saw the light and now I saw the light!!!
Call it a spiritual awakening. I had woken up half an hour before so was in a semi awake state enough to tell you it was actually two bright white lights, like two sticks of the brightest chalk you’ve ever seen that struck both eyes and then a bright light in the middle. Immediately something lifted.
For a whole month there was a grey all around me. There was nothing I could do to climb out of it. It was like I was trapped in a big cobweb. My mind was very unsettled and I even spoke to Gurveer about stopping treatment….. I won’t dwell on it but this is how far this had gone.
I’m sorry if I worried people. Truly grateful to friends that messaged both myself and Gurveer. Things were rocky and will be up and down always but we get through with the right support.
On Friday, I did go to a local spa. You know me and spas, I can literally lie out flat for two days just going from pool to sauna to steam room to jacuzzi. On Friday, I struggled. I couldn’t breathe. Only sat in jacuzzi when the jets went off, probably six minutes in the sauna, about 4 lengths in a small pool. Had to cut it short and just had lunch instead, then came home and slept for 2 hours!!!!
So then came Saturday! After I’d seen the light, with caution, we ventured into big London as it was Gurv’s birthday and the poor guy really deserves a break now …. and a medal and a cape and a crown!! He has the patience of a saint. If I am down, it brings us all down. If I am upbeat, we all cope better. So of course this all happened AFTER the footie!!! Ventured into big London, took kids to platform 9 and 3/4, went to a really crazy golf place, had some mexican food, took a walk then coffees and came home for cake and a movie!! A normal family day out. I just enjoyed the kids, I’d really missed them and their wisecracks all day!! I really need to spend less time sleeping.
So now with caution, I say Sal is back!! Well I really really have to be otherwise, I will literally self combust…… this is THE WEEK. I feel brave enough now to say it instead of hiding in my pit.
This week alone, I have my scan, my results and my birthday! Of course everything falls into the same week, its how I rock and roll !!! So folks, needing all the love strength, prayers and positive thoughts for this one.
To quote my dear friend Samantha and fellow Breast Cancer Now Model (hee hee) “I smile, we all smile…….”