Expensive Business

Generally I think we can agree that I am managing this. I think I am doing ok. I am keeping a positive mindset, good rational thoughts in my head and I am feeding myself well. I do my best to keep upbeat and do fun stuff when I am able to, to break up chemo cycles and resting when I need to. I think this all helps with the healing process. Well I was doing ok……

Then as if out of nowhere blooming hormones came and literally slapped me across the feckin face, knocked me sideways, removed any kind of rational thinking that I had and literally left me in a broken heap for 3 days!! Blooming marvellous!!

So that was the start of this week. I’m well and truly fed up of it all. By all I mean feckin ovaries, wombs, fallopians all that crap that is just disturbing my inner chi, just needs to all feck off. I have enough crap to deal with than bloody hormone swings aswell. Someone needs to yank it all out of me. I’m done. Like I didn’t even make it to the 5 year mark after bloody breast cancer so didn’t even get to request a few extras on the side….. now I dont know which team to even go to but I can’t carry on with this nonsense. I have enough to deal with as it is. I’m a normal human being otherwise. Turn into a wreck for no reason or benefit whatsoever.

I just had to lay low for a few days as anyone who I may have come into contact with would have had their head proper ripped off their shoulders. I managed to go to yoga this week again but I am so wobbly with no balance left which annoyed me even more. My body doesn’t feel like mine. I cannot control my temperature, sleep is like the biggest joke on the frikkin planet and I am exhausted for the majority of the time and it is relentless.

I have so much medication to take for one thing or another….. well supposed to be taking but literally there is no room for meals after the drugs so all the drugs had to feck off and all for this week. I just needed some time to recalibrate and get back in control!!! That was basically the jist of it !! That is my rant…… I believe my first one since all this drama started so I think I did well on that front !!

So today, I just decided to take an emergency day off work and demanded my sister did the same!!! I really needed to get out of the house, like run out of it. Couldn’t manage any walks because of the crappy weather so I just took myself off shopping. A new top, shoes and coat fixed all my problems today! Expensive business this cancer lark!!!

Came home….. had a nice cup of green tea, Gurveer made a lovely dinner, had big squeezy cuddles with my boys and all is now well in the world! I still have 5 days left before next cycle so all is not lost. Oh…. and phlebitis is back….. just saying!!!!

Gonna turn up to next chemo like Marilyn Monroe !!!!