The Night Before….

So it all starts tomorrow, the start of my big ‘journey’. I wish I was going on a journey, somewhere hot, by plane, business class would be perfect! To a gorgeous beach with clear sand and crystal waters…..lying around in the golden sun. Fresh bread, a rainbow of fruits, amazing meals and cocktails just made by someone else. I close my eyes and just imagine, just for a few minutes. How I’d just cherish that journey right now!

Ok, anyway yep, it’s the night before, Ive been here before but this time I’m the ‘expert’. What a claim to make! I’m a chemo expert ! I’ve done chemo, I’m just doing it again.

I remember the first time. It never goes away, not a single bit of it. Well it does but it’s all flooding back now. I was scared, totally scared, not knowing what would happen, how sick I would be, how immobile I would be, a whole list of unknowns. Hated every minute of it. This time is different, I am not spending the evening in a panic and stressing over what might happen. I know what is to come, I know how to handle some of this. I am now in control. I CAN DO THIS.

This is how I feel now and this is my message to stupid cancer.

So wanna hear about my evening, because I’m a hero!! I messaged a few of my girlfriends, asked who was free, since it was a monday night. Nothing happens on a Monday! Told everyone to wear something sparkly and booked a table in a lovely restaurant! A refreshing evening, a mix of cultures. I was so grateful to have such lovely friends from all different backgrounds. I have known this bunch for about 10 years, since my eldest started primary school…… my mummy friends. We had a lovely dinner, talked about our kids (obviously), the world, politics, culture, fine wines!!! Basically took me away, far far away from my own drama even just for the evening to get me through a, what should have been a stressful night, well up yours cancer!!! I had a beautiful evening with beautiful friends. Maybe just a dinner for them but for me, a massive therapy for me to get me to that day when it all begins.

Im ready……..

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