Sunday 11/11/18 – Distraction

A beautiful day. From the outside a normal family day out. How I long for just a normal day out to enjoy with my gorgeous fambo, with a clear head. Just to enjoy it for what it is….. without that fear hanging over me. I will get there…… soon.

My day started with a yummy long lie in, I deserved a lie in! Sun was out, sky was blue. I just had to drag myself out in the fresh air today. Can’t seem to focus my mind today. My brain won’t allow me to rest. Loads of thoughts going through my head, worries for the future…. I don’t let my mind go there for long. Why worry about things that are out of my control.

“I just need to go out and hug a tree”, I tell my boys !! This amuses them and they giggle!

Went to the Gurdwara first and prayed for some peace. Tried to focus, tried to not think or worry. Just prayed for peace in our lives.

I managed a long walk at the lido! As soon as we got there, my eldest Suraj, started his banter about how we were actually on a real beach and would run on the sand and grab hotdogs and then icecream!! We even went snokelling and saw all the exotic fish just swimming around!! In reality, we wear wearing jumpers, jackets and boots, puddles everywhere!! It didn’t matter, it was a precious day and Suraj took us away for a short while with his wild imagination.

My 10 year old treasure, Amar, has become very affectionate these days, just keeps holding my hand, like he is sensing the stress. We are trying to keep things as normal as possible but it couldn’t be any further away. Our lives revolve around my appointments and phonecalls, my exhaustion, both mentally and physically….. but for today we are just at the beach!! Just what we all needed.

I’m not ready to go home yet !! I know what the week holds for me so we head on for a coffee!! Mum never allows too much sugar!! Today, who cares…. go on, a big creamy coffee and half a cookie!!! Thats as far as I’d stretch !! Im still mummy with mummy rules !!

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